


A Trick of Remembrance

by Lucere_Aeresta



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Canon, Thorki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 10:17:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14735075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucere_Aeresta/pseuds/Lucere_Aeresta
Summary: From the last trick Loki played on him, Thor started to learn more about his late brother and lover. Complex feelings and love unfolded even after the life ceased to be, yet maybe it was not too late to know about his own feeling.





	A Trick of Remembrance

Six days had slipped by, yet another six to come, and sixty-six more, and six hundred and sixty-six, even more, unceasingly, pounding into Thor’s life, reminding him that he was alive. He was a relatively young Asgardian, with tens and hundreds of thousands of days to embrace in his life. However, he was not sure if it was a blessing or a curse.

Ever since Thanos erased half of the population in the universe, Thor had been living between nightmares and dreadful wake. The remaining members of Avengers were regularly checking on him. He observed the pale faces floating around, knowing they were never better than him, but still managing their best. He knew he should have braced himself up somehow, but it was beyond his reach at the moment.

Thor popped his head up against the wall, and slowly brought himself up. His back was burning, bringing throbbing pain with every movement. The flare of Nidavelliri forge was still scalding him, but he had never started to feel the real agony until all hopes shattered, all effort fell in vain.

“Damn it.” Thor mumbled, feet on the ground. Then he heard a beep. His eyes tracked the source of the sound. It was a small black case holding a baseball-sized metallic grey sphere in the center groove. The green stripes around the sphere lightened up, flickering slowly. Its three buttons were filled with soft green light as well. The display on LCD indicated it was fully charged.

“Oh…thank you, Bruce, it does work.” Thor said. He thought it was damaged until Bruce examined it and assured him it was intact. It took Bruce only a few hours to refit an older charger for this device. Seeing it was working, nothing was more important for Thor at the moment.

Thor heaved a long exhale, with a smile on his face. It was the only relief in the days of suffering and torment. Thor held the sphere in his hand, and sat back on his bed, lifting the green sphere to his forehead. He closed his eyes, in his mind’s gazing, he saw another pair of hands holding it.

Those hands were paler and slimmer than his, with pointed fingertips and tidy nails, sometimes even polished. The ball was shining in those hands, the stripes flashed. His memory was crystal clear.

 -**-

 

“You said this is the device that helped you to fake your death when we were in Svartalfheim? How?” Thor said, trying to snatch the sphere from the hands, but they were more dexterous than he expected. He advanced to grab the wrist. The ball fell from the grip and suddenly the illusion dissolved into the air.

“You are so violent, brother.” The smirk, as Thor remembered it, sly and confident. “I knew it. That’s why it is not here. It never was.”

“Where is it? Show me your trick.”

“You call it a trick; I call it an invention, a production of wisdom and diligent work.”

“Come on, brother!” Thor grinned, “I admire your wisdom and diligent work. Now just show me your invention.”

“Oh, you do? How touching. I thought it is just another scheme of mine that you can’t trust.”

“We are alone in the space with our people.” Thor spread his arms, saying, “there is nobody on this ship I can’t trust. You don’t have to hide anything from me either, after all of what happened.”

Despite some slight struggle, the warm body was eventually held in Thor’s embrace, cheek and lose black hairs against his chest. He could feel the wet and warm puff on his skin.

“Loki, don’t run away from me anymore. We are together, now and forever. Promise me.”

“I wish I could.” The green eyes looked up, staring into Thor’s eyes and soul.

  -**-

 

“Loki…you little fool.” Thor opened his eyes. The metal sphere felt tepid in his palms. He recalled the last time he held it—Loki finally showed him the trick briefly, after a good sex. Loki told Thor which buttons to press and in what order, while Thor cradled him in his arms.

“This, and then this, twice, quickly.” Loki held his hand to press the buttons.

“Why is the pattern so complicated? Can’t you just make it…” Thor paused and sighed, “Never mind, the trickster god.”

“Right, you know me well, bother.” Loki smiled, and kissed Thor’s cheek.

  -**-

 

As Thor pressed the last button, the sphere was gone, leaving a small control with one button where it was, and a figure emerged in, just as what it did the last time.

 The green cloak, shoulder-length black hair and thin lips, freshly alive. Loki proceeded, down on one knee and put his hands onto Thor’s laps.

“Hi, brother.”

“Loki, you...” Thor held the face of his brother into his palms, fingers shivering. He tried to say something, but his lips twitched without give a voice.

“I am here.”

  -**-

 

“How does that even work!?” Thor looked at the duplicate of Loki, which totally looked like a real person who he could touch, feel, and talk with. His eyes were wide open with disbelief.

“I happened to have…an employer who showed me a few tricks.” Loki said, relaxing in Thor’s arms.

“Oh, that one who instructed you to turn New York upside down.”

“It was a small price to pay. Also, I learned something in Midgard earlier. I enhanced my illusion with their technology.”

“I’m impressed. So what exactly does it do?”

“I can control it with my willpower if I stay within its perimeter of reception. Like this.” Loki said, and the duplicated Loki walked towards Thor while taking off his own clothes; he edged in between Thor and Loki leaned against him, hands and jaw on his shoulder.

With two naked Loki at his side, Thor started to feel his heartbeat pounding intensely.

“He…I mean it can even have sex?”

“It will fuck until you pass out.”

Suppressing the question “have you tried it yourself,” Thor asked “may I have a try now” instead.

“Maybe sometimes later, when I am not around.” Loki pressed a small button dropped from the sphere, and his duplicate disappeared. Loki quickly picked up the sphere before Thor did. “If I have to leave it somewhere as a disguise while I am away, I can program it in advance. It worked well for a couple of times. The illusion, or duplicate can continuously sustain two hours or so before it needs to recharge.”

“What if you don’t program it and are not around. Say I launched it without you aware, what would it do?”

“Technically its ‘brain’ is an advanced AI and can just act like an average person with some of my personality and emotions. Usually, people can’t tell us apart, at least not in general social conversations.”

Thor stopped himself inquiring in what situation Loki used the duplicate. Probably it wouldn’t lead to any pleasant memories, he figured.

“It can’t be fully me though, because AIs are lack of the full capability of complex thinking and advanced emotions. I haven’t tested its limit of consciousness yet and I am glad to do it someday.” Loki smirked, “But this is just a hypothetical question, Thor, you will never have the chance to do that.”

“Well, at least I learned my brother could be fake sometimes.” Thor rounded his arms at Loki’s neck, and the other hand approaches his belly, wandering down. “Are you really here?”

Loki shut his eyes, and his breath hastened, “Don’t be silly. I am here.”

  -**-

 

“Loki,” Thor swallowed, repeating the name quietly, fumbling up and down on Loki’s body, “Loki, Loki…look at you…”

It was not Loki, but it felt so real, even the smile and the green eyes, the innocent but suspicious looking. It had to be; he had to be; Thor couldn’t think otherwise.

“I miss you, Thor.”

The sparkles of tears blurred Thor’s vision, as if thousands of stars fell into his eyes. He held Loki tight into his arms, so tight that he found it hard to breathe himself. Loki’s moist lips rubbed on his neck and jaw, and up to his lips.

They kissed. Thor chewed on Loki’s lips and tongue, greedily ingesting the taste in his mouth. Only a few days had passed since last time they kissed, but it felt like a lifetime for Thor.

“I miss you too, bother, I really do.” Thor hissed, “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You won’t.” Loki unbuttoned Thor’s shirt, a hand wormed its way into Thor’s pants eagerly.

“You are such a little whore.” Thor grinned, eyes on Loki’s half-naked body.

“I want you, brother.” Moist whispers in his ears, Thor shivered with excitement and lust.

Thor pushed Loki into his dark grey sheet and pillowcases; Loki’s pale body was a pearl lying in a freshly opened oyster. Thor’s tongue touched Loki’s throat. Loki tilted his head back, let out a deep moaning.

As if stung by a scorpion, Thor drew back, breathing heavily. Loki looked at his brother, quietly straightened up.

“That purple bastard hurt you, didn’t he?” Thor touches Loki’s neck. The skin was smooth and intact. It was never choked buy the giant hands, but Thor was seeing it at this moment, as his brother naked and venerable in front of his eyes, he relived his death vividly.

 “No, no no no no…this is not right…” Thor backed up, leaning against the wall, panting, “This is so wrong. You are not…you…”

“Dear brother.” Loki advanced to Thor, his eyebrows knitted and fingertips gently touching Thor’s face, “You are scared, why? You are the fearless god of thunder, you have nothing to afraid of.”

“You...” Thor wiggled back into the corner.

“I won’t betray you anymore. Whatever I did before, I won’t do it again.” Loki said, kneeling in the bed, extending his torso and arms towards Thor, as if he was worshiping him.

“I love you, Thor. Don’t shun me, please.”

Paralyzed by the tears in Loki’s eyes, Thor didn’t move or speak. Loki straddled on his laps, his belly and chest against Thor’s. He held Thor’s half erected cock in his one hand and kissed Thor.

Thor closed his eyes. The touch of Loki ignited the fire inside him. The thunder of desire was roaring in his mind. He wanted him, from the moment he saw his younger brother appeared in his room. Loki said all the words he was longing to hear in all of these years; he was so meek and complaint; he meant what he said. What else could Thor possibly wish?

Thor’s stroke crew down along Loki’s side, the smooth skin under his palms, growing hotter and hotter. Loki lifted up his hips, holding Thor’s hard cock. Thor felt the tip of his cock against the warm and wet entrance. He gripped Loki’s buttcheeks, and fingered the ring of tight muscles. Loki let out a moan, rubbing his cock against Thor’s belly. Precum wettened Thor’s pubic hair. Thor stuck out his tongue and slid one of Loki’s pink-red nipples into his mouth.

“That’s so good. Give me more.” Loki gasped, demanding.

It was good indeed. Thor thought. It was too good to be true.

Thor sighed, “I wish this were real.”

All in a sudden Loki forcefully dropped his hips down; his slick canal swallowed Thor’s cock. Thor grunted with pleasure. Loki grabbed his wrists and pinned his hands up above his head against the wall. He started to move, slowly at first, and went wild and hastened.

“See, brother, it is real.” Loki thrust Thor’s cock inside himself, kissing Thor’s cheeks and lips, “You are in my hole, feel that? You are fucking me. This is so damn real.”

The rocked together, and their bodies slammed on each other.  Everything went blank except Loki’s sweaty skin, his moaning and grunting, and the zealous touch and rubbing. Thor roared like the thunder rumbling far in the sky. He shoved Loki deeply into the pillows and grasped his hips firmly, leaving red finger marks on them. Loki’s waist folded, lifting hips high up in the air to take in Thor’s thrust, deeper and faster. He was almost breathless, his lips parted, and eyes squint, a drop of tear rolling down the corner of his left eye.

“Oh, my beautiful brother. I have never had enough of you.” Thor pitched forward, licking off the tear; it was salty sweet. Thor kissed and kissed the man underneath him, then thrust with all his force. He wanted all from Loki, every piece of his body and soul. He knew Loki desired the same.

Thor noticed that Loki started to tremble and breathed heavier, then the moaning turned into screaming. Some slight, even delightful pain spread on his back, he knew it was Loki’s nails impaled his skin. He felt more turned up, blank-mindedly giving all he had until they both reached the orgasm.

As all the pleasure and lust receded, the burning pain on Thor’s back and soreness in his muscles found their way back. For a little while, he was in some sort of semi-unconsciousness with unbearable pain and exhaustion—for the most part not physically but mentally. He rolled to his side and held the hand of Loki; it was warmish and sweaty.

“It has been at least an hour. That leaves you…the device less than an hour of battery time.” Thor smiled wryly.

“But still, I am not going anywhere. You can see me whenever you want to.” Loki said softly, “I belong to you, Thor.”

Something clasped Thor’s lung abruptly. The words he always dreaming of hearing from Loki, now inflicted unexplainable suffering.

“No, Loki, you don’t.” Thor lowered his eyelids and pressed the control button.

Loki’s warm hand disappeared. He was holding the metal sphere again.

  -**-

 

“Sometimes I wish I have a different brother.” Thor eyed Loki sitting at the other end of feasting table, making sure he couldn’t hear, then turned to his friends. He was tipsy and everyone was in a joking mood. “Not saying Loki is bad, but…”

“But he is bad.” Hogun interrupted.

“I didn’t say it, but thank you!” Thor burst into laughter and finished the mead in his drinking horn. “Seriously, he is too wayward and unpredictable, out of control, having all the crazy ideas in his mind. He never listens to anyone. Such a troublemaker.”

“I wish he was more…agreeable, too.” Sif said.

“That’s why he is the god of mischief.”

“Why does anyone need a god like this anyways?” Volstagg smirked.

Thor shrugged. He was the god of thunder and storm. He brought in the rain, life water of human beings, leading to harvest and fertility. Thus, he easily became the most beloved god among certain societies in ancient Midgard, favored by the noble and commoners alike.

“You are right, nobody needs a god like me.” From nowhere Loki’s figure loomed up, startling everyone at seats. “That’s why in Viking times I barely had any cults or worshippers. Even nowadays I am far from a favorite one among Heathens.”

“Were you eavesdropping us?” Thor scowled.

“I happened to hear you talking. Sorry I am not able to deafen myself as needed.”

“Don’t play innocent. You were over there no more than five seconds ago; I was watching you. You put an illusion so you can eavesdrop us!” Thor yelled, not particular angry though.

Loki smiled and strode to Thor. Thor’s friends shifted around and started conversations with someone else; Sif stood up and held hand with a handsome young Asgardian, leaving where she was seated. Thor gestured Loki to take the empty seat.

But Loki sided down and seated on Thor’s laps instead.

“Loki!” Thor protested, but didn’t force him to leave.

Loki took the drinking horn, a magic one that filled itself when emptied. He drank up the mead in the horn, passed it to someone next to them, and kissed Thor.

“I told you before, don’t do this in the feast.”

“With Volstagg holding two girls in his arms and one sitting on his laps messing his hair, I am not even allowed to show some intimacy with my beloved brother by myself? Oh, if you need me to turn into a girl, I can do that for you.”

“Hold on! Don’t. You are perfect the way you are right now.” Thor sighed, putting a grape into Loki’s mouth. Loki bit his finger slightly.

“You are never going to change, aren’t you Loki?”

“Change to what?”

“To…one of us.”

“Am I not?” Loki raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t know.” Thor said, “Are you?”

“As if I care.”

“But you do.”

“I might, a little, but it is merely because you do.”

“Liar.”

Loki grinned: “I take it as a compliment.”

“You are capable, strong-willed, brilliant and always curious. You could have made our father proud of you if you even try a little bit. I mean, in an honorable way, not through tricks and deception. You could have been a well-respected and honored prince of Asgard if you ever listened to me.”

“Then who would I become?”

“What?”

“Then who would I become…” Loki slowly repeated his question, but not in an asking tone; his eyes moved away from Thor, fixing at somewhere distant.

  -**-

 

Thor hopped into the bathroom and took a quick cold shower. As he walked out of the bath, he subconsciously called Loki, only seeing the metal sphere shimmering on the bed.

He froze for a minute. Dazedly he walked to his bed, laying down in the middle of a hot mess. His nostrils were still filled with Loki’s body odor, mixed with his, and the softness of Loki’s touch still sprawled on his skin. Only when he was trying to enjoy them more and hold on them, they became dimly discernible, and quickly faded away.

There remained the emptiness, concrete, spiky and cold. The icicles grew in his chest, creeping down to the spine, up to his skull. 

It was painful, losing part of his heart. A vacuum formed gradually as he recovered from the exhaustion of pleasure and physical pain. It was a black hole swirling and growing, devouring him from the inside. He felt short of breath, all of a sudden, almost made him panicked. He needed to grab something before he was drawn into the ocean of emptiness.

Then he pressed the buttons on the sphere again with trembling fingers.

“Hello again, brother. You miss me with my absence of a few minutes?” Loki shifted his body in the bed, wiggling until he reached Thor’s legs.

“I miss you always,” Thor said, with the last half of the sentence slip underneath his breath, inaudible, “since you are gone.”

Loki crew upon Thor’s stomach, rubbing his fingers against his penis, which didn’t plan to respond Loki’s teasing at all.

“Stop it Loki, I am tired.” Thor pushed his hand over, “Just…be here with me.”

“You don’t want it again? It was amazing.”

“Please, Loki, don’t.” Thor’s face twitched. He evaded Loki’s eyes, trying to bind Loki in his arms so he couldn’t keep teasing him. But Loki giggled and snuggled him around, trying to arouse his sexual desire again.

“I said stop!” Thor snarled, bounced off from Loki and stared at him with anger. Loki lowered his head.

“I enraged you. I am sorry.”

“No…it’s…” Thor pressed his thumb onto his temple, “not your fault. Sorry, I lost my temper at you.”

Thor extended his arms forward and hugged Loki. Loki rested his head on Thor’s chest, tamed as a puppy.

 “It’s alright. You can do whatever you want to me.”

Thor’s embrace loosed. He laid back into the bed, staring at the ceilings. Loki was in silence, cautiously moving close to him, and laid his head on Thor’s arm.

Thor closed his eyes. His eyeballs were hurting for an unknown reason. He thought the tears would start to pour; instead, it was a fire burning deep in his skull, drying up all the tears he might have.

“Say something, Loki.”

“Yes brother. I am here.”

“No! I mean...yes, I know. Just talk to me.”

“I love you so much that I wish I could be with you every minute.” Loki’s voice was sweet and soft; he spoke as he pinched Thor’s chest hair gently, “I would do anything for you.”

Nonsense. Thor covered his face with his hands, chest rising and falling intensively.

“You are upset, brother?”

“Loki, what kind of trick is this?” Thor’s voiced muffled in his hands.

“Tell me what I can do for you. I will try my best.”

Thor forced a smiled, looking at Loki: “I already told you, brother, and I wish I hadn’t.”

Loki didn’t say anything. Thor pulled the blanket, covering both of them.

“I am tired, Loki, let’s go to sleep.”

-**-

 

Thor woke up in the middle of the night, short of breath. Pitch dark and complete silence shrouded him; it felt almost like death. Thor groped underneath the blanket and he found not the lithe naked body but the hard metal sphere. He fumbled to the desk and slotted into the charger.

Then it came the only light source in the total darkness—the green light shimmering around the sphere, buttons flashed as well. The light was soft and soothing, and oddly, making him feel warm. He fiddled with it, watching the glowing green rolling around his fingers.

“Among all the tricks and deception, cunning ways of self-preservation, you chose facing death without hesitation. For what, brother?”

The light rolled and flicked; the momentary silence felt like the eternity.

Thor imagined a thousand times that it was another fake death of Loki. He watched him dead twice, he should have been used to it, at least he believed so. In the day of the desperate battle, a thousand times in his mind he saw Loki walked among the dead bodies of enemies and said “surprise” to him; another thousand times when he was suffering from pain or defeat, the imagination of Loki standing behind him would comfort him for the moment.

But somehow deep in his soul, the ominous sense haunted him: Loki was never going to come back.

Before he realized, he had already held the sphere in hand and pressed buttons. However, right at the time, he sensed Loki’s presence, regret stirred up in his gut.

“Hello, brother.” Loki said, turning on the lights, “Why is it so dark? I can’t even see your face.”

“I don’t want to see you.” Thor tried to grab the control, but Loki pressed his hands onto Thor’s before he unsummoned him.

“Let me stay with you, even a minute being with you makes me happy.”

Thor shook his head, backing up to the bed and fell into the mattress.

“You are torturing me.”

“But you wanted to see me, that’s why you had me here.”

“I do! Loki…damn! Of course I want to see you! I want to be with you…but you don’t understand.”

Loki knelt before Thor and kissed his neck and shoulders. He buried his face into his belly, wrapped his arms around Thor’s waist with all his strength.

“No…please don’t do that.” Thor pushed Loki, but his brother refused to move, “I can’t…this is not right. You are not him. I know I lost him. Nothing is going to change that.”

“That’s why I am here.”

“I said no!” Thor broke himself free with a forceful shove. He pushed so hard that Loki tumbled back, his back slammed against the wall.

Thor stopped himself from helping Loki up. He sat in stillness, looking at tears filling up Loki’s eyes.

“You have his emotions and feelings, I get it. You are acting like this because you were made to, it’s not your fault. But you are not him. He is gone.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Of course it matters, fool!” Thor jerked up, snarled, “You, are, not, him! No!”

“No, but according to the data I have, you don’t understand him as much as you thought either, at least that is how he felt. But you are not even aware of his feeling. If a reduced version of him is easier for you to understand and communicate. Why not?”

Thor plunged to Loki, who was curling up in the corner of the room and hurled him into the bed. Furious flame blazed in his eyes. He picked up the chair and hoisted it over his head, as if he was going to hit Loki with it. Loki didn’t wince or attempt to defend. He looked at Thor with a peaceful smile.

“Do it. Just as what you always did. It didn’t matter. He hurt you as well. That’s your way of showing love.”

“You know nothing, you stupid creature! How do you understand the bond between us?” Thor gritted his teeth.

“Surely I don’t. I am merely a better illusion. But at least I know what I am, and what I do and don’t know. How about you, my dear brother?”

“You monster!” Thor let loose his grip and the chair thumped on the floor.

“Maybe, but you’ve seen worse—the worst monster in your life. You are mourning him.”

“You—he wouldn’t even leave me alone in death, would he? He created a pair of monstrous eyes so he could see me suffering through you. How cruel are you, Loki!”

“If you really think so, would you let me go?” Loki straightened his body up, softly landing his hand on Thor’s chest, where his heart was underneath, “destroy me, so you let him go for good as well.”

-**-

 

Thor knew one fact for sure, when he saw Loki appeared in the Asgardian refugee ship, that Loki would never leave him for good. Somehow Loki escaped the destruction of Asgard and came back to the ship, which Thor never doubted he was able to. Standing in the control room and looking at the space, Thor had grand satisfaction in his heart.

“Now that I have you back with me, I believe we can accomplish anything together.” Thor announced.

“Oh, no exactly, brother.” Loki smirked, “You can accomplish anything with me, or without. Maybe better the latter.”

“Come on, Loki. Do you have to be killjoy every single time?” Thor nudged him with his elbow.

“No, I apologize. I should have let you dream.”

 “Are you saying you don’t want to be with me, after all those happened…after all the joy we had together?”

“Why are you so concerned? I never saw you act like this even when I was about to die, at least supposedly.”

“Loki, stop! You don’t understand!” Frustration filled up Thor’s chest. He grabbed Loki’s shoulder to force Loki facing him, “You never did!”

“Look, brother, I can’t promise you I will always be around an obedient, but I can assure you, you are going to be alright.”

“Me? How about us? Why are you always—"

And his voice was sealed by a kiss. Then silence of ages, it seemed like.

Eventually, Loki sighed. Thor rarely heard him sighing.

“I am trying to be honest with you, Thor, honesty and frankness without cursing and screaming.”

Thor paced off towards the door, then turned back. Loki never moved, standing still like a statue.

“You want your own accomplishment; you want freedom; you want to be walking out of the shadow of me. I got it. But this…I can’t do it myself. I need you, Loki. Not only regarding rebuilding Asgard, but…of love as well.”

Loki raised his arm and directing his gaze into the solemn universe: “You see all the stars? They are so gorgeous, shining, and always changing. I remember the Sun and Moon, so bright and extraordinary in the sky, that when I was young I always thought they were the most significant celestial bodies of the universe. Ha, I was so naïve. Now wandering in the space, I can’t even see the Sun or Moon, or Earth, Asgard, Jotunheim, or anything. They are merely dust in the universe.” He turned to Thor, “Even we are gods for some people, at the end of the day, we are just one of the tiny stars in this boundless space.”

“Even a tiny star needs a companion.”

“You are right, brother, but it’s more than that, you and me. You remember I loved comets as a kid? I kept track of the time and dates they came, always anticipating one passing by Asgard.”

Thor kept silent, staring at his brother as he continued.

“I consider myself one of them, wild in the space, visiting various planets, traveling beyond nine realms, and eventually come back. Sometimes they were punctual, sometimes not. I love an unexpected visit. I’ve observed so many of them that I know the fact that they would always come back, even only once, they never left us. Sometimes they were so close that I got scared, I thought they would crash on us, but it never happened. However, I had been having the fantasy of a comet crashing on us for years. I was afraid of it, but it felt somehow excited, at least in imagination.” Loki let out a long exhale and turned to Thor, eyes shining with excitement, “Isn’t it fascinating? With all its wildness and free force and enthusiasm, we meet each other physically, crash and explode into a magnificent momentary spectacle. It is almost like…love. Don’t you think so, brother?”

Thor shook his head: “You are crazy as always, Loki.”

“You are the one who maddens me!” Loki raised his voice, straightly looking into Thor’s eyes, “You are the bright, astonishing Sun burning infinitely in the sky. Whenever I get close, I love the radiating heat and joy and power from you, every single minute of it, yet fear I would crash on you. I am so sure it will happen one day, and I don’t know if I look forward to that.”

“What if it actually happened?” Thor cuddled Loki, lips at his ears, whispering, “what if you crash on me, and never be able to leave?”

Loki cupped his hand over Thor’s heart, his voice sounding somehow afar: “I would be the one who is totally destroyed, leaving a scar on you, a deep one that the moment would be engraved into your memory until the end of time.”

-**-

 

Knock, knock. Thor faced towards the door, laying on the floor. It was cold that cooled down his burning feeling on the back. Louder knocks. Thor groaned something towards the door.

“Can I come in Thor? Are you alright?” The voice persistently asked.

“I said come in!”

Bruce pushed the door open, nearly hit Thor’s head with it.

“Oh crap.” Bruce quickly crouched and checked for wounds on Thor, “Are you hurt? I heard noises. Someone attacked you?”

“I am perfectly safe.” Thor grabbed Bruce’s wrist, “No worries, Bruce, I am just...resting.”

“You scared me. I heard you yelling and hitting, and something crashed. What was it?”

Thor started to laugh. The laughter came from nowhere, and clung in his lungs until it began to hurt.

“I am a fool.” Thor said, “I really am.”

Bruce shook his head and grabbed Thor’s arm: “Get up and let’s talk. I am getting you some water.”

Thor took the glass of water over from Bruce, and seated on his bed. He gestured Bruce to sit next to him.

Before they say a word, Bruce felt something hard under the blanket. He snatched it up; it was the metal sphere.

“Warm, and there is some kind of subtle vibration. As if it was alive.” He scrutinized it and said.

“It is alive.”

“Is it the reason you are like this right now?” Bruce asked, and put the sphere back into the charger.

Thor froze at where he was and didn’t make any response.

Bruce sighed: “It is terrible to be lonely, isn’t it?”

“No, Bruce. I am good.”

“No you are not.”

“Whatever.” Thor said impatiently, “Thank you for checking on me but I prefer to be left alone.”

“You don’t want to talk to me, and that’s fine.” Bruce said, “Guys like you don’t like talking about their issue, I got it, I’m not a fan of that either. But make sure at least talk to yourself when you have to.”

“Sentimentality.” Thor snapped. Right at the moment when he said that, he realized it sounded like Loki.

“Whatever you call it, part of you wants to talk and you gotta listen. If you don’t listen to yourself, you are not listening to anyone. Then you will end up in a tangled web of confusion and frustration. I dealt with anger so I know it well.”

“Ha,” Thor laughed bitterly, “is that why I was accused of not even understanding my own brother, the person I love the most?”

“Do you admit it?”

“How the fuck do I suppose to know!” Thor smashed the empty glass to the other end of the room.

“Then find out. You are the mighty Thor aren’t you?” Bruce patted on Thor’s back.

“You know what?” Thor said, “For one and a half millennia I solved problems and won battles. I thought I was the one who got everything done and earn whatever I wanted. But today I realize, I am not.”

“Nobody could do that, not even a god.”

“No...maybe someone could, at least better than I did.” Thor lowered his head, “The one who appeared to fail multiple times and eventually got himself killed. Maybe he had the ambition nobody could ever fulfill, but he still managed to achieve what I consider it a victory.”

“If you accept it. It is a victory of  yours as well.”

Thor smiled: “Why not?”

-**-

 

Once again, Loki appeared in Thor’s room. This time he didn’t greet him, nor did Thor speak to Loki. The sat shoulder to shoulder in silence. It was early in the morning, with a cloudless sky and fair weather.

“I have been standing here for a couple of hours.” Eventually, Thor said, “I stood in darkness, then saw the morning star. I watched the sunrise and the sky clearing up. I watched people down there, busy with their days, cleaning up the aftermath of the disaster—the disaster we, the Avengers, failed to prevent.”

Loki said nothing. Thor wrapped his arm around Loki’s shoulders.

“But sunshine never changes. With or without half of the population on earth, it is still grandiose and generous with its heat.” Thor slid the window open, “Warm, isn’t it?”

Loki nodded.

Thor shut his eyes, murmured: “I remember he said to me, ‘I assure you, brother, the sun will shine upon us again.’ He said that after I called him the worst brother in the world. He wasn’t even mad at me, and he said it in a great sincerity that I almost believed him. It turned out to be a lie again.”

“No, it was not necessary a lie.”

“It was. But he was not the liar, that I figured out later, I was.” Thor heaved a sigh. “He tried his best to trick Thanos but failed. He died right in front me, in agony and despair. I was helpless and useless, pathetically watched the person I cherish the most in my life fell into demise little by little, yet he was fighting with the last pieces of his life. I can’t say I could have done better in a situation like that. I used to blame him for stealing the Tesseract, or recklessly seeking his own death, in desperate and dejection. But at the end of the day, I know clearly that it was me who failed him. I am the worst brother.”

“You are not.” Loki’s duplicate said, “Neither was him.”

“I said that because I thought I was better than him.” Thor rushed his words out, “Yeah, now I know. Now I recognized it. I am such a fool. I was blind on what frustrated him, throughout all these years. I could have done better.”

“Maybe it is just who you are; maybe it was the reason he loved you so much. That’s part of your charm that makes you irresistible.”

Thor braced himself against the window, staring at the horizon, didn't say a word.

The duplicate blinked his eyes: “And Thor, if I may ask, how did I wind up being with you?”

“That I don’t know.” Thor smiled wryly, “I guess he snuck the sphere into my pocket or something like that, when Hulk attacked Thanos and Loki pushed me away from danger. But there is no way I could find out. He was a mystery even at the end of his life. He played the last trick, and I fell to it again without hesitation.”

“Because you wanted to and you enjoyed it, didn’t you?”

“Not every time, but definitely enjoyed it this time.” Thor leaned his head onto the shoulder next to him, the sunlight melted into creamy gold in teary mist.

 =FIN=


End file.
